i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
