Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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