i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
