just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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