he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
