new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
