I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
