I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
