My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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