There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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