I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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