I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
