i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
