You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize