I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
