Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize