There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
