I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The best revenge is premature balding
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Someone shattered a urinal.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
