Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
