Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is it because I queefed?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
