Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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