He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
