So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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