oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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