How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
