Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
