He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
