My first STD was from a foam party
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
