nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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