i permit you to call me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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