You smell like stripper and shame
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
