I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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