NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
