shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
