Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Pooping to opera.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
