I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
her facebook's as public as her vagina
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
