My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
do nipples grow back?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
