hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize