y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
