that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
