i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
