12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize