so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
