Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
