I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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