My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
