Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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