So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize