Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
