This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
