Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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