His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
