Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
