i love accidental penises.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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