found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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