Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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