After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
