Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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