Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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