You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize