Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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