just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
