doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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