was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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