i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
