3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
