Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
