you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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