And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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