he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
