I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
