she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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