i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
