I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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